I wanted to write a blog post on what it’s like to live with multiple mental health issues.
Please note: could possibly trigger. Please read with caution.
Welcome to hell.
I was introduced to this hell as a 14 year old. I literally fought for my life though, depression, anxiety, suicide attempts etc and I won the war. However, mental health issues are something I’ll struggle with for the rest of my life. I can take my medication and practice my DBT skills and I can live a pretty successful life, but these demons, these monsters will always be a part of my life. I’ll always have to fight them off, fight to see the light. And, I can be okay with this because I’ve accepted that this is who I am and I’ve discovered how I can use the bad for the good. So, here I am - perfectly flawed.
I want to give you a brief insight into a typical day of mine (this is with doing treatments, medication, therapy, self care)
Depression. I have this all year round but it intensifies once the winter months set in. I have almost zero motivation. If I’m not working I’m typically in bed til noon and making it to the couch, eating some food and doing some light cleaning is an accomplishment. If I don’t have to do anything then I probably won’t. Work is important to help with this. However, that brings me to... anxiety.
Anxiety - my anxiety is significantly helped by some of my medications, however I will always have this. Worried about this and that, getting through the day, dealing with people. This can make life hard. Working is great for me, but I can only handle so much. Over the years I’ve gotten better and able to do more, but the anxiety is always there.
Borderline Personality Disorder - BPD. A life sentence I was handed at age 14 (but not able to be diagnosed and treated until I became an adult) I’ve learned it’s not a life sentence and that I could get better. However, the disorder will always be a part of me. I can go from one mood to another in literal minutes. This person looked at me wrong, I’m a horrible person.
She said good morning, I must be liked.
It is always fun trying to figure out if my emotions and feelings are legit or imagined parts of my disorder.
PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is another thing I live with each and every day. It stems from many different things and leaves me with flashbacks and other forms of anxiety. I never know when something will trigger me and take me back. All I can do is work on myself each day and prepare myself to handle the rough times.
Eating Disorders - I’ve had many forms of eating disorders. Restricting to lose weight or to control uncontrollable things in my life. Or eating everything in sight and knowing it’s unhealthy but literally having no motivation to try and change.
Every day can be a challenge for me. I am working on things. I am working on being a better person, on finding myself, but some days surviving is all I can manage and that is OK.
It’s all OK. I just keep trying. I keep pressing forward towards the mark!
If you feel some of these things or all of them - give yourself a hug and remember to be kind to yourself.
If you know some people who struggle with mental health issues - please be patient with us, please be kind to us. We are doing the best we can and sometimes that extra kindness is enough to put some much needed LIGHT in our life.
You always write so well. And explain things. So many things are similar in my life. I'm not yet a thriver. But working hard to be one. You are an inspiration to me. A reminder that I can get through the struggles in my life. Thank you!
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